"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine... (Proverbs 17:22)."
"Pastors' Bloopers"
TOUGH SEARCH COMMITTEE
The chairman of our pastor search committee informed the
congregation: "Next Sunday our visiting preacher will be the Rev.
Bill Oaks. If you would like to see the other preacher candidates,
you will find them hanging in the vestibule."
AND WITH YOU....
In our Anglican Church, each service begins with a greeting. The
officiating clergyman says, "The Lord be with you." The congregation
used to respond by saying, "And with thy spirit." But, with the
modernizing of the liturgy, the minister now says, "The Lord be with
you." and everyone responds with, "And also with you." One Sunday a
visiting bishop went to a church where the sound system was known to
be old and unreliable. As he approached the microphone, he tapped it
several times and finally said, "There's something wrong with this!"
Without hesitation the whole congregation answered faithfully, "And
also with you." ---From Peter's Pearls.
POMP AND WHAT?
A few years ago our choir did a Christmas Cantata at our church. On
the evening of our first performance we were all lined up outside the
Sanctuary waiting to march in to the opening strains of the overture.
Our Pastor wanted us to march in time with the music so his final
instructions were as follows: " Everybody march in like you did at
your high school graduation. You know, Pomp and Circumcision." We
all broke out in a fit of laughter and it took several minutes to
regain enough composure to march in. --Lee Taylor
ON LEADERSHIP
On pastor appreciation day one of our deacons was speaking for a few
minutes about how he appreciated the pastor. He related that it was
a tough job being a leader and explained that it was like a flock of
migrating geese. The lead goose forming the point of the flying V
formation works the hardest because he was "Breaking Wind" for all
the other geese! And all this time I thought the geese were just
honking as they flew overhead! A few of us caught the blooper and
chuckled, the rest looked bewildered or attempted to not show they
caught the funny! ---"Hillbilly"
DINNER DEATH
Our church would have a chicken dinner to raise money a couple of
times a year. One Sunday there were beautiful flowers at the front of
the church. I mentioned that they were given "in memory of Frank
Wilson who came to our chicken dinner last week and went home and
died." I did not mean to infer that he died from eating the chicken,
but that's the way it came out. ---Wayne Hogue
TONGUE TIED PASTOR
I walked into the high school Sunday school class before it began one
Sunday. One of the gals had just finished a starring role in her high
school play the night before. As someone who tries to be a thespian
myself, I wanted to congratulate her. "It's so good see a great
lessbian, a lez.. , a lessspee, a ...... " By this time my face was
so red and everyone was laughing so hard I gave up and walked out.
CRAZY MINISTER
A local pastor asked his sexton to post the title of his sermon on
the signboard outside the church to read "Are Ministers Crazy?"
Not hearing this as a question, the sexton posted, "Our Minister's
Crazy" much to the amusement of the community. --Ron Owens at The
Funny Pharmacy
WEIGHT LOSS HYMN
We had just had a "Weighdown Workshop" and many people in our church
lost weight. During announcement time we congratulated the
participants and made a big deal out of their weight loss. It was
about that time we all realized there had been a typo in the bulletin
item just below it. Instead of listing "I Am Thine O Lord" the
bulletin listed the next song as, "I Am Thin O Lord." (Angie)
Pulpit Bloopers is copyright 2002 by Sermon Fodder
Ministries (www.sermonfodder.com) and was compiled from contributing
members of the Sermon Fodder List. Please leave this attached if
you forward to friends. If you'd like to join the Sermon Fodder drop
an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
--Selected from Mikey's Funnies.
A son and his father were walking in the mountains. Suddenly, his son
falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
To his surprise, hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the
mountain: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"
Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"
He receives the answer: "Coward!"
He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention." And then he
screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"
The voice answers: "I admire you!"
Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"
The voice answers: "You are a champion!"
The boy is surprised, but does not understand. Then the father
explains: "People call this echo, but really this is life. It gives
you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of
our actions. If you want more love in the world, create more love in
your heart. If you want more competence in your team, improve your
competence.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspect of life; life
will give you back everything you have given to it."
--Author unknown. Selected from Email Ministry.
