Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived
from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in
the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is
dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too
slowly.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot
car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your
appetite, and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to
protect themselves. (We're testing this with other snack foods as well.)
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a
balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way,
at least you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in
one place. Now, isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you
can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An
entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can
you?
--Author unknown. Selected from Good Clean Funnies List.
I used to think of God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the
things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when
I die. He was out there, sort of like a president. I recognized His
picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.
But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather
like a bike, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in
the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was He suggested
we change places, but life has not been the same since I took the back
seat to Jesus, My Lord. Christ makes life exciting. When I had
control, I thought I knew the way, but it was rather boring, but
predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points.
But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains,
and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds; it was all I could do
to hang on! Even though it often looked like madness, He said "Pedal!"
I was worried and anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He
laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my
boring life and entered the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared",
He'd lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing,
acceptance and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey, our
journey, my Lord's and mine. And we were off again. He said, "Give the
gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the
people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our
burden was light.
I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd
wreck it, but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take
sharp corners, jump to clear high rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.
And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm
beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my
delightful constant companion, Christ.
And when I'm sure I just can't do any more, He just smiles and says ...
"Pedal."
- Author Unknown. Message distributed by E-Mail Ministry.
