It's Time for Tickles 'n Truth 
A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature
"Funny Bone Faith" sees humor--AND faith--in the tough times and with God's help, smiles through tears as it triumphs in a Lord who brings joy and laughter to our lives--daily! Enjoy the fun and inspiration--and strengthen YOUR "Funny Bone Faith" right here--today!
NOTE: Humor pieces are meant to be funny. No offense is meant with regard to age, sex, race, religion, occupation or any other topic. It is simply a way of laughing at ourselves, so please just laugh along with us!
Visit Tickles 'n Truth Archives to catch up!
Dear Santa,I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays big-people music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
And please don't forget the Play-doh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the in-laws' house seem just like mine.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It would clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs in his pajamas to eat contraband ice cream at midnight.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Your's Always,
Mom
P.S. One more thing: You can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young...
--Selected from Mikey's Funnies.
I stood on a corner in Jerusalem.
Begging for a crust of bread.
I was somewhere about eleven or twelve,
Or that was what someone had said.
I did this all my life I think,
For mother or father I had none you see,
But there in my grief as I was standing,
Two men were discussing a prophecy.
They heard of a profit who had proclaimed.
That a Savior would be born this day.
Then salvation to this world He'd bring,
And all our sins He would take away.
My sins were many so I had to find,
This Savior of which these men were speaking.
They said that the place was called Bethlehem,
And there I could find Whom I was seeking.
I traveled a many a mile that day,
But found no solace in my complaining,
For I was intent on finding our Savior Child,
So to Bethlehem I was determined on gaining.
I missed the birth of our Savior Child,
But His star was still shining bright.
The shepherds were already tending their sheep,
But the crowds were every where in sight.
I saw three men all decked in royal robes.
I asked them where they were going.
Their answer was quite strange to me,
For they said "to where the cattle are lowing".
They had gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.
Their countenance was radiant and bright,
So I followed them as close as I could,
Never letting them out of my sight.
I came to a stable behind the inn,
And I was amazed to see them kneeling,
Beside a manger with a light so bright,
That it set my mind and heart a reeling.
I approached this seen with caution,
For little did I know.
That our Lord and Savior was still with in,
That my wonder and anxiety started to show.
I stood in the doorway afraid to go in,
When I heard a soft voice over the din.
The Mother of our Lord beckoned come,
For there is room for all who have sin.
I knelt beside the manger,
And my eyes did open wide,
For what I saw was Christ our Savior,
And none of my sins from Him could I hide.
Now thirty some years have passed away,
But none of my life have ever I changed.
A thief I was and a thief I'd be,
So I hung from a cross a little deranged.
There to my side hung a man so devout.
I knew it was the Christ Child without even a doubt.
I asked Him to remember me in His Kingdom above,
And my soul went to Heaven on the wings of a dove.
For He said unto me.
"THIS DAY YOU WILL BE WITH ME IN PARADISE"
By L.M.Willson
--Selected from God@Work newsletter, a ministry of St Mark's United Methodist Church,
8550 Pioneers Blvd., Lincoln Nebraska 68520 U.S.A. .
Introducing Pastor David Watson, Central Assembly, Springfield, Missouri
START HERE or skip straight to the ROOMS!.
Have fun--and should you get lost, scroll to the end of a page for a directory.
"Peggie Breaks"--humor & inspiration links each month
For more inspiration, visit The Prayer 'n Praise Room at Peggie's Place!
For more daily humor:
Reverend Fun--A fun Christian cartoon of the day!
Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List--a daily email humor list
Remember, there's nothing that can happen today
that you and your Lord together cannot handle!
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All Scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.
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Please note that while I strongly adhere to major tenets of the evangelical Christian faith, I may not personally agree with every specific doctrinal belief set forth in other Christian pages. I do want to provide a diversity of links and resource material for the entire Body of Christ to enjoy, and trust you will view it as such.A safety tip: Internet links and material may include other links and/or material which do not reflect my Christian views or yours. Please choose wisely and use with discretion! And if you find an ugly spider hiding in a dark corner, you may smash it with a broom from my BROOM CLOSET--I hate offensive stuff too!
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