Lord, My soul is ripped with riot
Incited by my wicked diet.
"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
And, Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain!
But at my present weight, I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength, that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
That my soul may be poly unsaturated
And show me the light, that I may bear witness
To the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleomargarine I'll never mutter,
For the road to Hell is spread with butter.
And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
The Devil is in each slice of baloney,
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
And Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
But, cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from jujubees.
And when my days of trial are done,
And my war with malted milk is won,
Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe--size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, If You'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.
If You'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
Of pasta a la Milannaise
Potatoes a la Lyonnaise
And crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth!
--Selected from Mikey's Funnies.
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Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "Speck Taters."
Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault withÊÊthe way others do the work.ÊÊThey are called "Comment Taters."
Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don'tÊÊwant to soil their own hands.ÊÊThey are called "Dick Taters."
Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agreeÊwith them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.ÊÊThey are called "Agie Taters."
There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around toÊactually doing the promised help.ÊThey are called "Hezzie Taters."
Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.ÊÊThey are called "Emma Taters."
Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. TheyÊÊare always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend aÊÊhelping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.ÊÊThey are called "Sweet Taters."
What kind of *tater* are you?
--Author Unknown.
--found circulating the Net via email.
A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
