It's Time for Tickles 'n Truth A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature
A Daily Dose of Rib-Splitting Fun and Body-building Faith at Peggie's Place!
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine... (Proverbs 17:22)."
"Funny Bone Faith" sees humor--AND faith--in the tough times and with God's help, smiles through tears as it triumphs in a Lord who brings joy and laughter to our lives--daily! Enjoy the fun and inspiration--and strengthen YOUR "Funny Bone Faith" right here--today!
NOTE: Humor pieces are meant to be funny. No offense is meant with regard to age, sex, race, religion, occupation or any other topic. It is simply a way of laughing at ourselves, so please just laugh along with us!
Today's Tickles: "Actual Answers to 6th Grade History Exams"
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they
all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The
climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to
live elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created
from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I
my brother's son?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea,
where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached Canada.
4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven
hundred porcupines.
5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had
myths. A myth is a female moth.
6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by
another man of that name.
7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career
suffered a dramatic decline.
8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks.
History calls people Romans because they never stayed in
one place for very long.
10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,
he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his
subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
13. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should
be hanged twice for the same offense.
14. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The
greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote
many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
15. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow
through an apple while standing on his son's head.
16. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then
his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
17. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was
a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about
the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa
Fe.
18. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was
the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would
send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally
the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
19. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of
Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself
cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
20. Soon the Constitution of the United States was
adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution
the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
21. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing
the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of
the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
Booth's career.
22. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a
reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote
a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton.
It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are
falling off the trees.
23. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf
he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
24. The French Revolution was accomplished before it
happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted
an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a
baroness, she couldn't have any children.
25. The sun never set on the British Empire because
the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the
West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a
thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced
virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
26. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing
by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
27. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure
for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the
Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And
Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
28. The First World War, caused by the assignation of
the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the
anals of human history.
Today's Truth: "The Two Cracked Pots"
A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a
pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it,
and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of
water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house,
the cracked pot arrived only half full. For two years this went on daily,
with the bearer
delivering only one and a half pots of water to his master's house. Of
course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the
end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable
that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
v
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to
the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of
myself, and I want to apologize to you."
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load
because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to
your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work,
and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion
he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the
beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the
sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this
cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it
had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for
its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on
your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I
have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted
flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back
from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to
pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you
being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we will
allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His table. In God's great
economy, nothing goes to waste.
Inspiration, News, Devotionals, Humor & More to Start Your Day!
My Pastor's Message of the Day--Updated each weekday!
Introducing Pastor David Watson, Central Assembly, Springfield, Missouri
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All Scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.
Humor and inspiration in Tickles 'n Truth are extracted from items that circulate around the Web. Many authors are unknown; I do not claim copyright privileges on the articles used. Should you know the author of a certain piece, please notify me that I may give proper credit.
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Visit their great Web site to hear beautiful tunes by many talented artists. CDs are available.
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A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
