Today's Tickles: "How to Lie to the Bathroom Scale"

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage, of course.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter. (Waving them is optional but occasionally helps!)

7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?)

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.

--Selected from Net 153 Sunday Funnies Mid-Week Issue.

Today's Truth: "Two Voices!"

Lord, very often I want the day to end
When my strength and my joy are depleted,
When too many demands have vied for my time,
And still so many tasks not completed.

I'm Your child, Lord, and so I should be
Led by Your SPIRIT each day;
But there's something amiss when my day is too full,
And I'm weary and worn from the fray.

Two voices I'm hearing which seem to be telling
Me all the things each day I should do.
One seems to be leading me, the other one driving me,
And I can't always know which voice is really from You.

JESUS said that His sheep know HIS VOICE,
And often I'm sure that I do,
But Satan's a mimic and tries to confuse me,
By making his voice and his words sound so true.

What must I do, LORD, to stifle his voice,
Not listen when he speaks to me,
To hear only YOU, and do what YOU say,
So each day will be full and yet free?

"You will learn, My child, as you listen in faith,
And fill your heart with My Word,
That I NEVER DRIVE you, but in love lead and guide you.
Trust Me and grow, and you'll soon come to know
When it's MY VOICE you've heard.

"There still may be times when you won't feel Me near,
When confusion and conflict return;
But the times will be brief and further apart,
Because you are asking, I'll give you My wisdom
THE VOICE OF YOUR LORD TO DISCERN."

by Alice E. Forehand

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