Credit for digital music in the Words from the Well series: "Come Fill My Heart" by Elton Smith, Larry Holder and Steve Israel/Songs of Praise
Welcome to Tickles 'n Truth A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature
A Daily Dose of Rib-Splitting Fun and Body-building Faith at Peggie's Place!
Monday, July 9, 2001
"This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad... (Psalm 118:24)."
Have you got a funny bone or two? Can fun connect with faith? You'd better believe it...."Funny Bone Faith" sees humor--AND faith--in the tough times and with God's help, smiles through tears as it triumphs in a Lord who brings joy and laughter to our lives--daily! Enjoy the fun and inspiration--and strengthen YOUR "Funny Bone Faith" right here--today!
Please note: Humor pieces are meant to be funny - no offense is meant with regard to age, sex, race, religion, occupation or any other topic. It is simply a way of laughing at ourselves; please do not take the humor personal or offensive.
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine... (Proverbs 17:22)."
MARTHA STEWART VS. THE REAL WORLD!?!
Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar
cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of
the bottom of the cone, for pete's sake, you are probably laying on the
couch with your feet up eating it anyway. You know we don't have anything
better to do.
Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto
the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time. My
way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The
hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag
with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it
in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way #4: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt
to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't
you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's way #5: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to
room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter
before squeezing. My way: Sleep with the lemons in between the mattress
and box springs.
Martha's way #6: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply
add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan,
and bring to a boil on stovetop. My way: Eat at Chili's every night and
avoid cooking.
Martha's way #7: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before
pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains. My way: Feed
your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.
Martha's way #8: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use
a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the
outside of the cake. My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it
for you.
Martha's way #9: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still
cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an
instant "fix me up" My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking,
that's too bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care
how bad it tastes.
Martha's way #10: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the
refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. My way: Celery? Never heard of
the stuff.
Martha's way #11: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking
to yield a beautiful glossy finish. My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie
directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I just
won't do it.
Martha's way #12: Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften
it. My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?
Martha's way #13: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to
help bring out the corn's natural sweetness. My Way: The only kind of corn
I buy comes in a can.
Martha's way #14: To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a
pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises to
the surface, throw it away. My way: Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway. If
you feel bad later, you will know it wasn't fresh.
Martha's way #15: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub
it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. My way: Martha, dear, the
only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead
without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the
headache anymore, it is because you are now blind.
Martha's way #16: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice
cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. My way: Who has left over
wine? Never happens in this house.
Martha's way #17: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars
easy. My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
Martha's way #18: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just
slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water. My way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the anti-bacterial soap in the handy
dispenser next to my sink.
Martha's way #19: Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer. Clean a
toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and
flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China. Clean
a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or fill with
water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets. Polish jewelry. Drop two
Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two
minutes. Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four
Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some
Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once. Dinner
anyone?
--Author unknown.
Today's Faith 'n Truth-Builder
"...building up yourselves on your most holy faith... (Jude 20)."
HOW HEAVY IS YOUR BAG?
One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a
sack of potatoes. For every person we'd refuse to forgive in our life,
we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put
it in the plastic bag. Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were
quite heavy.
We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week,
putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next
to our desk at work.
The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight
we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all
the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.
Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime.
This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and
heavy negativity!
Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and
while that's true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!
So the next time you decide you can't forgive someone, ask yourself...
Isn't MY bag heavy enough?
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone,
forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." - Mark 11:25
-- Author Unknown
Inspiration, News, Devotionals, Humor & More to Start Your Day!
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A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
