Have you ever noticed that when you're of a
certain age, everything seems up hill from where you are? Stairs are
steeper. Groceries are heavier. And everything is farther away.
Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how
long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message. What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the
other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own
reflection...Well, REALLY NOW... even mirrors are not made the way they
used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking
life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of
them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA!! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here! All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
--found circulating the Web via email.
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Thanks for the cybersalt award, Pastor Tim . . . 
. . . Visit Pastor Tim's great CleanLaugh site!
* * * * * * *
"The Sneeze"
They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-three students filing into
the already crowded auditorium. With rich maroon gowns flowing and
the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.
Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and moms freely brushed away
tears.
This class would not pray during the commencements ----- not by
choice but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it. The
principal and several students were careful to stay within the
guidelines allowed by the ruling.
They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one
mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the
graduates or their families. The speeches were nice, but they were
routine....... until the final speech received a standing ovation.
A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still
and silent for just a moment, and then he delivered his speech....an
astounding SNEEZE!.
The rest of the students rose immediately to their feet, and in
unison they said, "GOD BLESS YOU."
The audience exploded into applause. The graduating class had found
a unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future ... with or
without a court's approval.
Selected from God@Work newsletter. God@Work is a ministry of St Mark's United Methodist Church, 8550 Pioneers Blvd., Lincoln Nebraska 68520 U.S.A.
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